Strangest Matt Smith Interview Ever!

It seems the people over at the Guardian have developed something of a sense of humour after 189 years of circulation, if their latest (slightly mocking) interview with Matt Smith is anything to go by:


Hi, Matt. Doctor Who is off on tour. Does his sonic screwdriver double as an electric toothbrush?

Of course. He just lasers over his teeth and he's good to go.

The tour is nationwide. Is it safe to leave the Tardis in town centre car parks or will it end up smelling of wee and full of cards for "exotic massages"?

No one can get in. You could drive the Welsh rugby team at it. It's been in far more precarious locations.

You need to pull out all the stops to take Doctor Who Live, so presumably it'll be a musical, on ice. How does a Dalek put on an ice-skate?

Doctor Who on ice! But would we want to hear a Dalek sing? The great thing is that the monsters from the whole history of Doctor Who will be within touching distance.

Daleks never used to be able to go upstairs. Now they can. Seems unfair.

They sort of went upstairs, just with a really bad edit. At least now they don't have to live in bungalows.

Your Doctor wears a bow tie and a tweed jacket. Weren't you tempted to go for something more casual – like a tracksuit?

A tracksuit would have looked rubbish. I wanted it to feel professorial.

The Doctor never managed to snog any of his assistants until recently. Why the sudden interest in Earth girl tongue?

Steven Moffat has an inventive mind. Amy wanted to snog the Doctor, not vice versa. This particular Doctor is a bit, "Woooh. Girls." It's fun to kiss the hot assistant once.

When you and Benedict Cumberbatch go on holiday, who gets top bunk: him for having the world's daftest surname, or you for the most common?

He's a mate of mine, Ben. It's a cool surname, Cumberbatch. I'm happy with bottom bunk. It's cosier. If I have to get up for a wee, I won't wake him.

Eleven Doctors walk into a bar. David Tennant orders a pint of Tennent's. Sylvester McCoy, packet of McCoy's. Patrick Troughton, pint of Broughton. Jon Pertwee goes for a wee. Tom and Colin Baker are barred: troublemakers. Paul McGann sneaks in a can. William Hartnell sits on a bar stool. Christopher Eccleston is off his head again. Davison, Peter, pint of wife-beater. What are you having?

That's a canny question. Matt Smith has a pint of orange and a kiss with a girl with a quiff!

In the original draft of Back To The Future, Marty McFly has a time-travelling fridge, handy for keeping his beers cold. Fancy part-exchanging the Tardis for a time-travelling washing machine?

But I've got a washing machine in the Tardis that's as big as a house!

Torchwood lacks the manliness of Doctor Who, doesn't it?

John's quite manly, isn't he? I don't watch Torchwood but I'm sure John sprinkles it with magic and colour.

Thanks, Matt. People say Doctor Who made them hide behind the sofa, yet most people have their sofas pushed against the wall. Eh?

On what research have we got that most people have their sofas pushed against the wall?

You can be the bench test.

Er, yes, I do. Although when I stay in Cardiff, I don't. So when I watch Doctor Who, it's perfect for hiding behind.